Why I'm Over Rock

I'd have to say it was the second white stripes album, Elephant. It was just so below the hype- so below the promise of White Blood Cells. I heard it and I wasn't amazed, excited- anything- I wasn't even that curious about the lyrics or listening for a catchy hook.

I didn't care.

So- whilst trudging my way through the blogsphere and I see people my age or older have gone to the trouble of linking to the new band de jour- well... I wince. No- more than that. Kind of more like a cringe.

I mean- I try to get it. I think I'm missing part of the cultural experience somewhere. Growing up in a small town on the East Coast I never got to see a lot of concerts- so I never developed an appreciation for the live concert. I mean- really- when your options are to go see Glass Tiger live about 10 minutes after their fifteen of fame are up- or sit at home and listen to the Dead Kennedy's on Brave New Waves- what would you choose?

Or maybe it was because I hated my teenage peer group. Yeah- I know- we all hated our teenage peer group. But I went beyond that- I hated everything they liked. I hated everything that was popular- AC/DC, Floyd, Led Zepplin, the fucking Doors-- "come ON."

I choose David Bowie, Billy Bragg, Lou Reed and the Velvet Underground- which lead to Iggy Pop which begot the Dead Kennedy's followed closely by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. Not your biggest touring bands, except when Bowie was whoring himself in the eighties- but all of them focus on the songwriting- their songs mean something. Or at least they have a story.

And if you were writing a book about the pure aesthetics of rock (has anyone done such a book?)you'd see these guys stand head and shoulders above the likes of Robert Plant and Angus(?) [Angus??? Really??? even when I was fourteen- I was all 'Give me a fuckin' break!!!!]
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So today's "new" band appears to be the Scissor Sisters- whom I know nothing about- so I downloaded their album today and gave her a whirl. Let's see...



Laura starts with a straight Beetles rip off (is it a cover? I never payed much attention to the Beetles, either...) then descends into being funky/flutey that sounds just like Jamiroquai.
It is, at best, inoffensive. Oh- and the song seems to be about being in a band.

They team up with the Bee Gees to do a cover of Comfortably Numb that made me want to vomit.

Mary might have been written by Bernie Taupin. And it was probably about a guy- really. Nice use of the soulful back up signers and the muted trumpet...NOT! Fall into your cliche now please.

Lovers in the Backseat is one of those songs that labels hate having on a record. At 3:19 it has a 39 second intro- so it will never get radio play- besides- it sounds like the Fixx on downers- lottsa them. At 2:37 in the song they almost pick the tempo up enough to wake me up- almost...I skip the last 3 seconds of the song.

Tits on the Radio probably started its life as an interesting concept. A down and dirty funk piece- good bass line. But that fucking Bee Gees back ground vocalist is killing it- and the chorus needs to be hopped up a bit to make this even danceable (note- has anything on this been danceable--no, not yet)

My WinAmp visualizations were more interesting than Filthy/Gorgeous. Really. Which one of these is the single?? Who decided to sign these guys?

Okay- Music is the Victim actually has guitar in it- for like, 34 seconds during the intro. Then the synth kicks in and overpowers it.

Track 12 seems to be the most self-conscious work of deconstructionism and marketing I've ever heard on a CD. I'll paraphrase:

"When you hear the screaming noise- you can start the US album over again- or you can listen to the 2 bonus UK tracks that sounds like Teisto got stuck inside someone's Duran Duran playlist and they were forced to procreate--oh-- and it sounds nothing like our label has made us into for our US debut...we are ashamed as well- please come see us tour and buy a cap. We owe our dealer lots of green- and our hairdressers, too. Insert screaming noise here."

Someone hand me the ice pick- I need an emergency lobotomy in order to listen to this.

A couple of questions- why are these guys ALL OVER THE PLACE, musically? Is this a tribute album to their favorite music of the past 40+ years or a debut album? Are any of them musicians or is this a concept band with lots of dancing and role playing? (the dangerous one, the one you'd bring home to mom, ect?) Or are they just being over-managed? Over produced? Over marketed?

Comments appreciated...