The Velocity Death Trap

Is a vintage 1990 Toyota Corolla I bought a year ago from my pal Mike. It is a 4 door, 5 speed rust on gray sedan that has had to have periodic visits to the cut rate mechanics I know who view the thing as a challenge.

No matter what needs to be done to it to keep it on the road, I have always insisted that I pay less than $250. This is precisely exactly HALF of the 5 bills I paid for the thing.

But, today, I think, the rule will be broken. I decided I will keep the bloody thing through this winter for the comfort and convenience of myself and various friends. This will require:
1 new snow tires, since the snow tires that came on it have been run year round for 2 years now and are akin to nice, smooth balloons
2 some sort of shocks or struts- I know not which
3 some sort of welded or riveted plate over the rusting aperture that was the sun roof, at some point. (This is commonly referred to in the rain as the car's sprinkler system)

And, today- late for work already after a long line at Starbucks- 8:35 AM the tape player becomes unstuck and ejects the Billy Bragg cassette that has been lodged in there for 2 weeks (I promptly flip it over and insert it back in- works fine now!) when I hear a bumping and grinding noise.

Turn off tape, slow down to let nearest car pass me... then the sinking feeling that"Hey, that's MY car that sounds like it is causing harm to the asphalt!"

FUN!!

I'm not sure many people have tried to remove a half-detached muffler and pipe assembly from under their car in morning rush hour on Cote-St-Catherine with their bare hands before. It is not advisable, really.

The muffler is hot, for one thing, since all the heated exhaust from the COMBUSTION ENGINE (note the word: combustion, meaning: burning) is being forced through a maze of sheet metal so your neighbours can sleep okay.

The tail pipe should also be hot- as this is the last point where the super-heated gas is ejected into the smoggy haze that surrounds the Decarie Auto Route for 6 blocks on either side.

Having no gloves in the car in the middle of August, I turn to what has not been stolen from my car recently- a long cane style umbrella with U shaped handle.

This should work well? No?