On the raising of teenage girls...

Overheard on St. Laurent and Duluth:
"So- I don't know if it's related...but I keep breaking out in zits after I sucked his dick...so I stopped..."

Stopping may not help, BTW...

Parents of the world- please read on. Your teenage girls are a holy terror and are in desperate need of guidance. And so are you.

Teach your children to bend down at the knees, please- not at the waist. This will greatly improve their appearance when picking up change, their handbags, and other items at ground level.

If you are going to allow them to dress as sluts-in-training, and they are of Greek, Armenian or other Baltic heritage please wax their backs and/or navel regions. This is a highly disturbing sight.

"So young, so trashy, and soooo hairy.."

And if they want to go an "all ages" concert at La Tulipe and get super wasted because the bartender will serve them anyways, please write their age across their forehead in permament ink, and their address on their hand, so the cops will know where to drop them off.

Just because they want to dress like Christina Aguilera or Marilyn Manson doesn't mean you have to let them wear hotpants or get peices of metal shot through their toungues. They are still, mostly- I hope, children, and deserve a childhood of some sort before becoming some sort of twisted palette for MTV, the fashion industry, and Dow Corning Silicones.

When the Qur'an isn't a Qur'an

When it is not held by a believer, it is just a book. Only when one who holds faith reads it is it a sacred text.

How many people have used their motel room bible to cut coke on? Or prop open the window, much to the overall disabuse of the book as a whole?