Dear Heather, (or a McGill Ghetto Love Story)

Since I met you whilst we were both moving into our respective flats I have yet to have run into you at the dep-nor have we seen each other while taking out the Thursday morning trash...

I thought it might have been my aversion to your spider plant, which I helped you carry to your flat; one hand on the pot, one on my ethanol and OJ- oops- that may have been a turn off right there... but it seems you are co-habitating with a fairly rotund person- who I assume may be your slightly mental retarded brother...

But to see you locked in some sort of affectionate embrace this morning with this below 30% guy!!!!- this morning on my way to my Fortune 500 job at a fashionable, executive, and totally sleeping in because I did too much K last night,10:30 AM, ---I see YOU!! -tongue wrestling with a man who out-weighs you 2 to 1... well....


-well-

...I think it's over-

I mean, I've watched for you, every night when I come home from work and go into the kitchen, and you don't have blinds yet, and look if you are making martinis and searching about for olives-

I have some, and would have rung your bell---but no-


I see your slightly mentally disadvantaged brother all the time- pretending to barbecue in his garish shorts, hanging out his linens (are those really his boxers??? I have some diet supplements he might want to try! I thought they were part of a bed-set...)

Anyways- despite your bad choices in incest, I am still here next door- pining as it were- your red hair forever flowing across my chest, my hands caressing the birthmark on your neck.

Oh- and your mother thinks he's a dork- she told me last night- so call me...

J

On the raising of teenage girls...

Overheard on St. Laurent and Duluth:
"So- I don't know if it's related...but I keep breaking out in zits after I sucked his dick...so I stopped..."

Stopping may not help, BTW...

Parents of the world- please read on. Your teenage girls are a holy terror and are in desperate need of guidance. And so are you.

Teach your children to bend down at the knees, please- not at the waist. This will greatly improve their appearance when picking up change, their handbags, and other items at ground level.

If you are going to allow them to dress as sluts-in-training, and they are of Greek, Armenian or other Baltic heritage please wax their backs and/or navel regions. This is a highly disturbing sight.

"So young, so trashy, and soooo hairy.."

And if they want to go an "all ages" concert at La Tulipe and get super wasted because the bartender will serve them anyways, please write their age across their forehead in permament ink, and their address on their hand, so the cops will know where to drop them off.

Just because they want to dress like Christina Aguilera or Marilyn Manson doesn't mean you have to let them wear hotpants or get peices of metal shot through their toungues. They are still, mostly- I hope, children, and deserve a childhood of some sort before becoming some sort of twisted palette for MTV, the fashion industry, and Dow Corning Silicones.

When the Qur'an isn't a Qur'an

When it is not held by a believer, it is just a book. Only when one who holds faith reads it is it a sacred text.

How many people have used their motel room bible to cut coke on? Or prop open the window, much to the overall disabuse of the book as a whole?

Turbo works for Facists

With no sense of excitment:

BANNED CONTENT ALERT
A banned word or phrase was discovered. The file has been removed. See your system administrator for further information.
Context: '[Message Body]'Content Rule(s): '

Sex (English) > Severity - High,

Profanity (English) > Severity - High'

See your system administrator for further information.
Copyright © 1993-2004 Networks Associates Technology, Inc.All Rights Reserved.http://www.mcafeesecurity.com

Happy Earth Day

To celebrate I ate at McDonald's, twice. And I left my bottles outside for the homeless to recycle.

What's mother Earth ever done for me? Eh? No cards, no calls, and she certainly didn't help out with my tuition...

Bitch.

YUL Blog's newest member...

I love the "Ask Not, Tell Not" nature of the YulBlog- it let's a certain dangerous side of the web sit alongside chili recipes and single-mom blogs- Hell- that's the only reason I'm there...*



Also- last year- I think, in May, Turbo and I were asked to attend and do some judging at the Montreal Amatuer Pornography Social at the Vatican- we were thouroughly entertained and disgusted. So, whoever is running Foo1- you better be at next month's Cabane meeting. I'll buy you a drink.


*I'm not a total crunk-head- I just play one on the internet...

If you were waiting for a good opportunity to renounce Catholicism- NOW is the time!

Some excerpts from a 1986 letter from your new Pope. Click the title above to read the whole thing. All emphasis mine.

"Letter to the Bishops of the Catholic Church Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith October 1, 1986

1. The issue of homosexuality and the moral evaluation of homosexual acts have increasingly become a matter of public debate, even in Catholic circles. Since this debate often advances arguments and makes assertions inconsistent with the teaching of the Catholic Church, it is quite rightly a cause for concern to all engaged in the pastoral ministry, and this Congregation has judged it to be of sufficiently grave and widespread importance to address to the Bishops of the Catholic Church this Letter on the Pastoral Care of Homosexual Persons."
...
3. Explicit treatment of the problem was given in this Congregation's "Declaration on Certain Questions Concerning Sexual Ethics" of December 29, 1975. That document stressed the duty of trying to understand the homosexual condition and noted that culpability for homosexual acts should only be judged with prudence. At the same time the Congregation took note of the distinction commonly drawn between the homosexual condition or tendency and individual homosexual actions. These were described as deprived of their essential and indispensable finality, as being "intrinsically disordered", and able in no case to be approved of (cf. n. 8, sect. 4).

In the discussion which followed the publication of the Declaration, however, an overly benign interpretation was given to the homosexual condition itself, some going so far as to call it neutral, or even good. Although the particular inclination of the homosexual person is not a sin, it is a more or less strong tendency ordered toward an intrinsic moral evil; and thus the inclination itself must be seen as an objective disorder.

-all of you humanists out there, take a deep breath. The air is about to get a lot fouler around here before it gets any better.

Pope Pope Pope Pope Pope Pope: A brief guide to everything Pope-like and somewhat holy-

Or- more aptly:

"A Brief Guide to a Caretaker Pope whom Everyone Could Agree Upon Until Enough Conservative Conclave Members Die off so We Can Save the Church from Itself by Removing Its Holy Head from Its Holy Arse."

From Wikipedia with some editting by moi:

"His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI, officially (in Latin) Benedictus XVI, born Joseph Alois Ratzinger (Latin: Iosephus Ratzinger) (April 16, 1927), was elected Pope of the Roman Catholic Church on April 19, 2005. As such, he is Bishop of Rome, Sovereign of the Vatican City State and head of the Roman Catholic Church, including the Eastern Rite Churches in communion with the Holy See. He will be formally installed as pontiff during the Mass of Papal Installation on April 24, 2005. (Jesus- what kind of scenester will you have to be to get tickets to that?)

Hey! If the hat fits, wear it :)

At 78 years of age, he is the oldest pope elected since Pope Clement XII in 1730, and is the first German pope since Adrian VI (1522–1523) who was both German and Dutch because he lived in what is now the Netherlands (boring, exhasutive details- THANKS!!), which was a conglomerate of German provinces at the time of his papacy. Benedict is the 8th German pope in history; the first was Gregory V. The last Benedict, Benedict XV, served as pontiff from 1914 to 1922 and thus reigned during World War I. (And it was ALL HIS FAULT, BTW!)

He was appointed prefect of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith by Pope John Paul II in 1981, made a Cardinal Bishop of the episcopal see of Velletri-Segni in 1993, and was elected Dean of the College of Cardinals in 2002, becoming titular bishop of Ostia.(Yes- it is two links- here is a condensed read....) He was already one of the most influential men in the Vatican and a close associate of the late John Paul II (some would say bossom buddies, if not for the whole homo-erotic undertones of men of the cloth [with big hats] patting each other on the ass after making free throws...wait- wrong film...) before he became pope. He also presided over the funeral of John Paul II and the Conclave in 2005 which elected him (say it with me dear readers- vote rigging and influence peddling). During the most recent sede vacante (sounds kinky- like Hedonism but better), he was the highest-ranking official in the Catholic Church.

"Damn it, Jesus- this one is for your remains for FUCK's SAKE!"

Some see Benedict as a traditionalist, others as merely orthodox (unfortunately- I beleive he is "merely orthodox" in the truest sense of the phrase- he holds all of the proper opinions and moral values any good Catholic should have), but almost all observers agree that he is a staunch defender of Catholic doctrine. He is a critic of homosexuality, same-sex marriage, and abortion and has spoken about the unique role of the Catholic Church in salvation (I'm vechlempt all over here, hat boy...) and has called all other Christian churches and ecclesial communities deficient(BURN!). As a Cardinal, he wrote Truth and Tolerance, a book in which he denounces the use of tolerance as an excuse to distort the truth. Benedict also participated as a priest in the Second Vatican Council and has continued to defend the council, including Nostra Aetate, the document on respect of other religions and the declaration of the right to religious freedom. He was viewed during the time of the council as a liberal. As the Prefect for the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, Benedict most clearly spelled out the Catholic Church's position on other religions in the document Dominus Iesus which also talks about the proper way to engage in ecumenical dialogue.

JGirl- the Musical

My pal Jenn is starting an internet radio show tonight at 1 AM EST- link above! Maybe breaks- but definately some groovey house via mtl/CHI/B.C.

If you missed it live it is available for download for 7 days afterward! Give it a whirl!

Why I am not a good Leftist

Even though I have exhibitted signs of being a bleeding heart Liberal (yes, with a captal "l") I have never been very comfortable in their midst..ie: at the protest against seal hunting, or peace marches in general- especially the ones lately....

Something deep inside me is Draconian- and I fear I have a deep respect for utilitatianism. I want shit done, I want it done right, and I want it done NOW.

"I'm in too much of a hurry for instant gratification."
Zippy the Pinhead

So- as far as my faults on the "Left" go:

On not growing up so soon...

So- on my daily must read list is Rampant Intellectualism, which mainly contains none...

Nobody wants to grow up and the dirty little secret is that no one ever does. Sure, we're all trying to pull off some outward display of responsibility but inside, the synapses are just haywire and you know what they're saying?

go fuck on the beach.

This signal is being interrupted with another one.

drink a beer.

These are wrapped up in even more thoughts like box full of tangled shoelaces.

Run! Run away! Run as hard as you can and jump. Jump in something. In the water. Off a ledge. Away from here. Climb a tree. Catch frogs.

One More Year

If I had to have a female version of myself- it would appear to be Care over at "One More Year"

"The spirit is willing, but the flesh is all bruised and spongy."

"If the goal last night was to get utterly smashed and not remember my walk home, then I accomplished my goal. If the goal was to do things I wouldn't ordinarily do, then I accomplished that goal as well. If my goal was to pass out naked with Futurama playing in the background, well damned if I didn't accomplish that one as well. It was a great night."

Now if that doesn't sound like something I have done, I don't know what else would.

Gender Confusion

Blogs, like Winamp and your cell phone, can be skinned- and when I say skinned, I mean they can have a certain look and feel that may confuse people.

As the recent audio posts attest to- I am a male- and the gorgeous redhead that some of you think has been writing these posts is, sad to say, just our Official Hotperson, Julia Bonk, pictured here again:

So, please- even though you now know I am not an 18 year old cutey, please continue to send your cash donations and gifts of seductive lingerie. They make excellent parting gifts for our female contestants...

What every little WASP boy wants on a Friday night...

You'd think it would be understood...

When you leave a voice message for someone you've been sleeping with that:
"I'm not doing much tonight- why don't you drop by later?" that you are not wanting to sit around and watch TV? or is this something that you have to spell out?

Grand Irony of a Ruined Life

Please Don't Forget the Consumption Controversy
Via Rampant Intellectualism- this piece provides the astonishing background to the Schiavo forced-to-live controversy- and is probably the most noteworthy thing I have seen or heard on the matter.

I've included some text as it will probably go members only soon. Click the title to read the full story, or here.

Please Don't Forget the Consumption Controversy
Adrienne MacIain
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Mark Batalla / Daily Nexus

One thing that appears to have gotten lost in the political fracas surrounding the life and death of Terri Schiavo is the cause of her current non-responsive state. In point of fact, Ms. Schiavo's condition is the result of a potassium imbalance triggered by an eating disorder. To be more specific, Ms. Schiavo was bulimic, meaning that she forced herself to regurgitate whatever nourishment she took in, so as to maintain the slender silhouette so ubiquitous in the mainstream American media and so coveted by the American public. That's right: The thickest slice in this whole ironic roast is that this woman who voluntarily malnourished herself into a vegetative state is now being force-fed in order to maintain it.

To quibble over whether tube-feeding is "natural" or "unnatural" is to miss out on the true tragedy of the situation: that a once-vibrant young woman was willing to sacrifice -- albeit unwittingly -- her health and, ultimately, her very will to the false god of glamour. Starvation is indeed a heinous death. And despite what Hollywood would lead us to believe, it isn't a terribly pretty way of life: that waiflike figure may look sexy on camera, but the symptoms of starvation -- dulling hair that comes out in clumps, sallow skin, brittle teeth and nails, excessive body hair growth, breath like something crawled in there and died and loss of bladder control, just to name a few -- are not the least bit attractive.

And yet, tragically, starvation is precisely what Ms. Schiavo chose for herself in what was to be her final act of free will. Morality aside, force-feeding is quite apparently inconsistent with the choices Ms. Schiavo made for herself while she still had the capacity to make them. Then again, perhaps she forfeited her right to make decisions regarding her own welfare when she vomited her way into irreversible brain damage.

I don't know what's more disturbing-

Someone from Turkey reading my blogs 3-5 times a day or someone IP masking from Montreal (Sympatico)and reading three times a day.

I'm just going to remove the statcounter, I think.

Photographic Evidence from St. Pat's with the NDG crew-

And Eve, no dissing the West Islanders , either- they are purported to have feelings, too!


Early in the day- I think the sangria was too strong


The young women flirt with bisexuality for the afternoon. No one actually goes to watch the parade happening 5 feet from the door.


I got green hair gel smushed through my locks 2 minutes after arriving. I couldn't resist.

Court OKs Schiavo Review

Yahoo! News - Federal Appeals Court OKs Schiavo Review: "We still have her."
If this is not a statement from someone who is not prepared to grieve I don't know what is.

God- please let this woman die in peace and have mercy on her parents' souls.

Happy Easter- may you rise up again in 3 or 4 days

God is a funny guy. He sends his only son down to muck around with us lower beings, keeps him alive for 32 or so years, then lets us ace him with a spear (or die on a cross if you read the King James version of events)- and then sets him on a whirlwind tour of nobodies who will say he has risen.

So, 2000+ years later we in the Christian West get a four day weekend where we can feast, celebrate our faith in Jesus, do Spring cleaning...

-or get down and dirty with our paychecks (deposited one day early because of the banking holidays) and ride the fun times until Monday, 9:44 PM- when we decide to blog after decanting ourselves in the bath for an hour.

Hmmm- Thursday night seems an infinite time ago. Being recently plunged into singledom by my own lack of self-knowledge and/or control (some may argue it is also a mix of the two, with a healthy dash of self loathing and with a side of fear of commitment) I was out for cinq-a-sept with two of my co-workers for a round of drinks after work. We went to the bar on the ground floor of my office, which we will refer to as Pizza Mary's.

The Gang at Pizza Mary's- cheap beers a go-go

Pizza Mary's suffers from a few of Montreal's common bar problems- lacking a dance floor that is not the tightly cramped chairs and tables, horrible and greasy free appetizers on Thursday night, no shooter special at all, and horrible, mind numbing satellite music feed over the PA instead of a DJ.

All in all, the three dollar drinks can be skipped in the future. The fact my uninspired co-workers have chosen such an insipid drinking hole demonstrates their lack of taste and utter boorishness.

Cut to 9PM- a select group wanders out to invade the ever stylish "Casper's" which is not far away, and luckily downhill next to the Dubbya Hotel. Inside it is loud and packed with a bizarre mix of downtown internet nerds, mid-fashion office women in their Friday night best, and all the regulars from Upper Club that I can name- but won't. We decide to move to the back of the smoking section where hearing yourself think is almost possible- the six of us proceed to have the following disjointed conversation as we attempt to mingle.

CAST-
Me (mtlanglo)- early thirties, single, male
Harry- early forties, divorced, male- graying. Has dated more women in the past year than al my friends combined.
Mark- late twenties, taken but talks like a scoundrel- has been wearing the same suit all week.
La Bella Donna- 22, is actually Romanian, is desperate to find a reason to finally break it off with her 33 year old asshole bartender boyfriend.
Vicky- the female smoker of the group, unknown age but maybe 26- maybe 16- none of us could tell and we weren't asking
Greco- the larger, younger girl with an unfortunate moustache and a statuesque 5'8" in flats.

Harry- I'm going to force my way to the bar- I think the waiter forgot us.
Me- What if returns? Should we do two rounds?
Mark (quietly)- I'm flat out- so none for me.
La Bella Donna- (over hearing)- Oh, Marky, allow me to buy you a drink.
Me- Harry, I'll get the round here if it shows up- you go to the bar.
Greco- Bella- when are we leaving?
Bella- You know you just met these nice men...
Vicky- I'm moving over there to have a cigarette.
Me- I assume we can smoke here now that the kitchen is closed-
Mark-no, Mtlanglo, why don't you go have a smoke with Vicky?
Me- Because I'm overseeing the missing drinks.
Vicky (walks off).
Greco- I need to use the washroom.(walks off in different direction)
[pause]

Me- Bella, what the fuck is up with your friends?
Bella- I told them I was meeting three guys from work- and here you are! (smiles)
Me (as quietly as possible in a screaming packed resto)- are they under the mistaken impression this is some sort of set up?
Bella- "Set up"...what is that?
Mark- (fumes)
Me- like when you tried to play Cupid or something- like they expect us to be their dates or some-such.
Bella- (raising voice) What? You don't like my girlfriends? What is wrong with them? Vicky likes you!!
Me- That's great, Bella, but we just got here, we have plans tonight and I can't hear myself think.
Bella- Then I think we are leaving.

Mark (quietly, to me)- Good work- who do you think I would have been stuck with?
Me (fuming- no reply) .......

The scene at Stereobar for Uzibee of Soultek!

And, so- after one round the ladies all leave- the round after, so do we- to hit Stereobar- where we proceed to buy drinks for the waitstaff down from Daome, the DJ, and the promoter of the night- and then promptly have drinks bought for us- and so on- until it is 2 AM and we are faced with the dilemma- to go all night and show up fuckered for work, or go home and get 4 hours sleep.

Sleep wins- it is, after all, a long weekend...

Straight Ahead

The YUL Blog Fifth Anniversary Party was an amazing night! I spent alot of time meeting new people, like Jack, Lady D and Vila H. - seeing Jonas Parker and Serge again, calling Boris "Patrick"- but not vica-versa, thank-god (Sorry...I will get this down pat soon--I need to go to the meetings more often...).

Nika has issued some awards on the event here that will give you a better overall impression of the great time we all had!

To five more great years, and thanks to Chris for letting us stay so late to finish our last beers!

On Formal Nakedness

UP4: Why Saturday's YULblog party may be more fun than some people should expose themselves to without consulting a physician (or, at least, a Crunkologist) beforehand:

"On the why and the how formal nakedness is forcibly a coercively inclusive process : once one gets naked, those around get automatically naked without them necessarily wanting to. This holds because no one knows what can be inferred from the information offered by one's formal nakedness. The uncontrollable nature of formal nakedness paradoxically is the reason why one should voluntarily get naked : because it gives one first degree involvement on one's own representation, thus somewhat enabling one to have a control on the said representation."

Rock Star drunk

Sorry for the lack off posts lately- since I started work and with my signing bonus safely cashed I have been spending some time getting back in touch with some of my corporate Montreal crew- getting rock-star drunk in the middle of the week, on the weekends- and especially on St. Patrick's day.

(If you want to see actual photos of the Montreal St. Patty's Day Parade check out this flickr page.)

Being of mixed Irish blood from 13 generations ago when my ancestors arrived in this glorious frozen wasteland- I was out early, in full force while my girlfriend was off teaching Yoga. 11 AM, Peel Pub downtown with 4 people I knew, 30 of their friends, and 200 other screaming, drinking, stumbling people, whom, by 6 PM, I was affectionately referring to as "yaaaaalllllll", as in:

"Yaaaallllll SUCK- ain't none a yaaaaaa I'ish you drunked pig-fuckers."



And so on.

Fun times with the West Islanders continued at Cheers, where my main goal was to avoid having green beer spilt on myself by drunken 17-year-olds.

Wednesday night last week was much more civilized, if only because work kept me from beginning to "socialize" until 6 PM. Partying at the Typhoon with Turbo, the NDG crew, and their random girlfriends and guys. Happy hour ends at 8 PM but some of the crew stayed until well past midnight- cut to a $20 cab ride at 1:30 AM and you can see how we applied the term "Rock Star Drunk" to myself at 2 AM when I was home on my couch, killing a good 6 shots of Goldschlager straight from the bottle. Courtney Love Style.

Good times, good times- I'm glad Sumi doesn't charge her digital camera anymore...

I no longer watch the Daily Show

Which is one of my most favourite things to do. For the past while I was able to watch anytime I wanted, at 11 PM when it comes on the Comedy Network, midnight on CTV, or again, the following morning at 9 or noon. Now that I'm pulling 9-5 again--nadda-

-nor have I been watching the news.

No wonder people who work all their lives seem so disinterested in current affairs. I barely have the energy to boot up my PC to blog anymore after staring at an LCD all day.

Jesus- I need a new hobby. How about skeet shooting, anyone?

Plax- Pre-Smoking Rinse!

Pfizer | What We Do | Medicines & Products | Plax� Pre-Brushing Rinse
Ever want one more cigarette, but your mouth already tastes like an ashtray/ car battery lead?



Plax is the answer!! It will remove all that smokey-tasting plaque and allow you to enjoy your next Dunhill. Plus, the minty after taste will make you feel like you are smoking your first menthol!

Highlights:

* Helps loosen and detach plaque.
* Clinically proven to remove more plaque than brushing alone.
* Pleasant tasting.
* Available sizes: 4 fl. oz. (118mL), 8 fl. oz. (237mL), 16 fl. oz. (1PT) 473mL, 24 fl. oz. (1.5PT) 710mL.

Mint Sensation®: Water, Sorbitol Solution, Alcohol (8.7%), Tetrasodium Pyrophosphate, Benzoic Acid, Flavor, Poloxamer 407, Sodium Benzoate, Sodium Lauryl Sulfate, Sodium Saccharin, Xanthan Gum, FD&C Blue No. 1.

Enjoy!

And now for some fair use- ie: showing a Dilbert strip

Yahoo! News - Dilbert

Because you couldn't sign up to get this in your email at Dilbert.com or anything, so I am forced to tread on United Features Syndicate's copyright here, and blatantly link the image...

"Ahhh- nothing like a little capitalist/imperialist humour to start your day off right."
or
"Hahhahah- look at the cute pig- it's wearing glasses!"

Gmail Rosetta Stone

Someone tell me what this email means:

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Thanks- the rest of you GMail users who "don't get spam"- they must be in the "P"'s by now, wait for it....

Welcome back to the Fortune 500

We missed you. Here's a new wrinkle that our lawyers wanted to avoiding getting hassled over in the future (somebody, somewhere, sued somebody over this...)

termination upon death: your employment shall terminate automatically
upon your death without further delay or payment

Wow. Thanks- will you send flowers at least?

Some days are better than others-

My "My Yahoo" page is full of good news today. Canada is deporting a Holocust denier back to Germany, Conda Rice isn't coming to strong arm us on missle defence anytime soon, and the Federal Government is going to tie economic policy to environmental sustainability.

Looks like I can take the day off from saving the world from itself by writing in my blog. I think I'll go rent Blade III and sit around in my housecoat.

Cheers.

Welcome ?????? to GSpam- Live ??????from Korea

Dear people at GMail-

Despite the increased storage size, despite your supposedly "easier" to use interface and search features- I doubt I will ever use this gmail address as my primary email, and I am definitely not going to be recommending to anymore people until you FIX THE SPAM FILTER!

How hard is it to block all email addresses with ??? in the name? Huh? Especially when I have added two dozen or more such addresses to my spam filter? Get with it- this is not building confidence in your service AT ALL.

And- yes- I know that the ??? is only what I see from the Universal Encoding, and that, in same Asian encoding set, it is actually someone's name. Well, if people in one end of the IP spectrum are abusing your service, stop signing up people that fall within that IP range until you fix your spam filter...

Thanks for listening...

mtl????????anglo????????

America- meet Frank McKenna

I've meet Frank McKenna, back when he was the Liberal Premier of New Brunswick. I've eaten with the man at fundraisers and Canada Club lunches. I have to agree with The Hour host George Stroumboulopoulos' (thank GOD for cut and paste- that is one hell of a name!) comment that Frank is a straight shooter:

"I believe that we've given in large measure what the Americans want, which is the ability to use Norad and their intercept information in order to be able to target weaponry "

Now, this may not be a shocker to some of us who know that our role in the proposed "Missile Shield" is going to consist mainly of us allowing long range radar sweeps over our air space (and maybe some highly secret anti-missile batteries in the Arctic). But the general populace doesn't know or understand this.

So when the Honourable Mr. McKenna made the above statement- the press pool on Parliament Hill were a bit stunned. For a second- then their erections got the better of them and they started prying for more... and McKenna gave them all a slap on the wrist (sorry- I'm forced to paraphrase here):

"Do you know what George Bush means when he asks Canada to fully participate in the program?"

Frank's going to have quite the job if he is confirmed as the new Canadian Ambassador to the United States. He's well on his way to being a media darling while hopefully raising the quality of questions our journalists are going to ask. And W. will love him (they are already golf buddies, if I recall correctly)- he is plain spoken and has the jawline of Dick Tracy- Bush will "like the cut of his jib." The rift between our two countries will be healed, and we will sally forth in joy and prosperity.

When Frank is done in D.C. he'll return to Ottawa and run for Prime Minister. Liberals all across Canada are all looking forward to it...

- maybe even current PM Paul Martin, who is finding out just how rough the ride can be in the big chair. Don't worry, Paul- the time will flash by before you can so Vote of Confidence...

"These are bad times for people who like to sit outside the library at dawn on a rainy morning and get ripped to the tits on crank and powerful music..."

On the occasion of Richard Nixon's death:

"Nixon had the unique ability to make his enemies seem honorable, and we developed a keen sense of fraternity. Some of my best friends have hated Nixon all their lives. My mother hates Nixon, my son hates Nixon, I hate Nixon, and this hatred has brought us together.
Nixon laughed when I told him this. 'Don't worry,' he said. 'I, too, am a family man, and we feel the same way about you.'"
from Better Than Sex- Confessions of A Political Junkie by Hunter S. Thompson (1994)

The good Doctor decided to take his own life last night, in Aspen, Colorado, while his wife was out to the store. His son Juan is reported to have had found him- and I guess it must have been a gruesome sight. I feel deeply for his family for their loss.

I always hoped his end would involve the firearms he was so enthusiastic about. He loved "high-powered weapons" more than he did the drugs. I'm glad he didn't overdose in some strange opium den- that would have been a shame. I wouldn't have liked that media storm- was it a suicide or an inadvertent overdose? His enemies (and he still had quite a few- memories in the Doctor's business are long and the kind of stakes he was playing with were huge...) might have twisted his death into some sort of morality play.

Too bad the film version of Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas was so popular- it really is clouding the media focus on his death. His most important work began with his next book, Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail, 1972. This tome follows Hunter through the mind, body and soul wrenching experience of covering the '72 election all the way from the first Democratic primary right to Nixon's Coronation Inauguration. He threatened petty officials on crowded Cessna's with physical harm for asking him to extinguish his Dunhills, he called respected politicians Rats, madmen, and perverts. He snorted drugs in the back of the press bus.

And in it all he made dramatic exposure of what lies beneath the veneer of respectability displayed as the US electoral process. It is a mad power grab for the highest stakes- and it is not for the weak of heart.

From then on, Hunter was called on repeatedly by Rolling Stone to cover, explain, and make palatable the electoral process for their tuned in and dropped out readers. How successful he was in bringing American youth to some comprehension about "How It All Works" in American politics is too difficult for me to judge- but I know that the choir he did convert will be singing his praises for decades to come.

As writers, and specifically as bloggers, I think we owe a huge debt to this man for escaping the confines of "objective journalism" some forty years ago and playing fast and loose with decorum, drug and firearm laws, community standards and libel laws. The written word can paint a much more diverse picture thanks to him, and he will be sorely missed.

Mtlanglo, February 21, 2005
Montreal

Five Days in Bangkok

CBC.ca - Arts - Film - Five Days in Bangkok
I am loving the new CBC Arts site, they have gone the extra mile and have original content from some of Canada's best minds. Today it was Don McKellar writing on the Bangkok Film Festival he attended. And there, in the middle, is some great reporting- some great humanity- some real politik that has made me think I am not the only person who views the world in a clinical manner:

"The day before I arrived, the Thai Prime Minister made a statement: Thailand will not ask the world for aid. It is not a Third World country, and it will never be taken seriously again if it presents itself begging for money. Joy tells me how these words filled her with pride."

And this quote, from the very kind people at Oxfam-Québec, landed in my email, thanking myself and the other organizers of our little house music benefit show late last month:

"On behalf of the people of South Asia, we are deeply grateful for your generosity and proud to welcome you to the Oxfam-Québec family."

That's a whole lotta thanks. I hope our meager contribution is going to good use.

One final note on the Tsunami disaster: to all of you who think the Canadian Government shouldn't have sent the DART military unit over there at the expense of $48 million or so- that the money would have been better spent by NGO's- you're naive fools. You send over a fully outfitted military squad to do soil sampling, covert target assessment; and to make estimates of military preparedness of the "host" country. They're there to check out the stability of the government, the neighboring governments- to get the lay of the land. So to speak...

(addendum- I'll expand here for clarity- yes, NGO's could have used the money better for purely humanitarian relief. But it is highly unlikely that was their sole mission in being there. I have yet to meet an NGO employee who would take kindly to an Intelligence de-briefing.)

The Darkness Reigns

Napster Terrorists

napster terrorists
Originally uploaded by blkshrt.

Have you seen these Napster ads on the web? It looks like they are holding 70's cartoon style bombs...

"Im gonna get, you wascally mawines..."

Or remote detonating switches.

How to Torture a Devout Male Muslim

Yahoo! News - A FEW MUSINGS ABOUT VALENTINE'S DAY:
Smack dab in this banal ramble about feminism and Valentine's Day- a shocker:

"Hold your moral outrage: These female officers would sidle up against the mostly Arab men, half strip in front of them and then -- hold your breath -- pretend to be taking menstrual blood from under their own pants before smearing it on the horrified men's bodies. That way, the prisoners would be 'unclean' in Muslim terms for prayer."

I don't care what deity you pray to, our what country you are "protecting"; attacking your prisoners' faith in such a maniacally evil, calculated way is beyond the pale.

And these are our closest allies and trading partners? Are 3000 dead from 9/11 really a justification to betray your humanity like this? And the Pentagon is going to try to pin it on the two female officers who allegedly performed said torture (I mean, really, let's stop burying our collective heads in the sand and call it what it is, torture):

The newspaper quoted Defense Department officials as saying two female interrogators have been reprimanded for such tactics.

It's not likely these two were sitting around one day having a conversation like this:

Female Officer #1: How was your leave?

Female Officer #2: Pretty good, relaxing. Watched a lot of TV with the hubby.

Female Officer #1: Ahhh- I miss my TiVo...

Female Officer #2:-and I saw this amazing show on PBS-

Female Officer #1: Hahaha...PBS!!!

Female Officer #2: -no, really! It was all about the rise of Islam and about their cultural and religious beliefs and systems. It got me thinking about all these guys we have in "The Pen"...

Female Officer #1: Yeah- like how they are all freaks against God!

Female Officer #2: Naw, more useful- they have all these hang-ups about women, about touching us, about us "touching" them, and about menstrual blood and praying...

Female Officer #1: -yeah, the praying thing freaks me out daily. All of them pointing the same way in the yard, even after we put the hoods on 'em and spin 'em around...

Female Officer #2: Yeah, totally, but if we put our menstrual blood on them (or pretend to) then they will be "unclean" before Allah and won't want to pray for fear of being struck down or something--- I was pretty tired towards the end, but that's the idea I got.



Female Officer #1: Wow, who would have thought PBS could be so interesting! Let's get some pigs blood from the mess and try this out tonight. All that chanting gives me the willies.

Female Officer #2: Yeah- but don't you think we should run this by that CIA guy at least to see if this would be helpful? To see if it fits in the guidelines... I mean, it's not like we're gonna hook their balls up to a car battery or anything, but you never know...

Female Officer #1: That CIA guy is pretty hot- all mysterious, and stuff- and everyone just calling him Agent Brown all the time. It gets my panties wet just---naw- let's surprise him. Bring your camera- we'll show him the pictures later. It shows initiative...we might even get promotions out of it!

Female Officer #2: Yeah...you're right! I wanna put on some "provocative" panties, too.

Female Officer #1: To really rile up the prisoners?

Female Officer #2: No, silly! For Agent Brown! If he's gonna see these photos, I wanna look HOT!

Both: (Giggles)

--dear God, I hope it didn't happen like that. Not at all.

Finally- the fiefdoms may end.

CBC Montreal - Feds may shift thousands of PS jobs
In a move that may change the way we see the bureaucracy that is the Canadian government, the CBC has gleaned from leaked budget documents that there may be a move to "one stop" service offices for all things you need the Gov Of CA for.

It would provide one-stop shopping for Canadians who need anything from jobs to employment-insurance forms to passports to health services for veterans.

Sounds great- think of the money that would be saved on expensive urban office space, the bloated middle management in each department that exists simply to make sure the front-line staff punches in on time and is paid properly- all of that gone.

I wouldn't bet the farm on it, though- I'm sure the various unions affected will be up in arms and this will never see the light of day.

-unless the feds offer to finally come good on pay-equity as a trade. Yeah- I wouldn't be holding my breath for any of this... hopefully the union's sense of being "public servants" will be taken into account before deep sixing this as a threat to their members' jobs.

Waking Up in Bliss: December 2004

Ackk- I think I blew my load in December. It was my finest blogging month for sure. January had its moments, but December absolutely fucking rocked.

Oh, well- I need to get out of the house more and get some adventures going to get back in the swing of things...

Mentors I

I'm glad Kenneth Smith is still writing for The Comics Journal. He was the first person who pointed out to my young 16 year old mind that Frank Miller's Dark Knight portrayed Batman as an unrepentant Fascist with a capital "F" (Batman on The Joker- "There's nothing wrong with him that I can't fix...with my hands") .



...and that there was room for intellectual and aesthetic criticism in any art form.

Too bad he looks like an extra from a television advert for one of those "Learn how to Draw by Correspondence" schools...

More talk on comics on the CBC, too. Go on, waste some time reliving your child/teenage years. Or last weekend ;)

This just in-

...I am considering reorganizing my room to create better Feng Shui for my new occasional guest. I've been trying to explain my rather boring scientific view of the world to her, but she is persuasively happy and ... balanced.

There might be something to all this yoga and middle eastern philosophy. There might also be something up with my theory that my kitten is the Anti-Christ and that Cthullu is living next door-



-WAITING

I did confess to her last night that I read a bunch of Carlos Casteneda's books in my early twenties- but that I thought it was mainly fictional, much like Journey to the East was.

Anyway- time to move the bed...

If I was the King of Nepal

Would I suspend the constitution, enforce martial law and kick out the bloated, self-congratulatory bureaucrats the people elected so I could get my 78,000 man Royal Nepalese Army (of which I am the Supreme Commander, BTW- it gives me a hard on just thinking of it!) back to the job of hunting down and humiliating the Maoist rebels who have been disturbing MY country for the past eight years.

Damn straight I would. This "multi-party democracy" thing never really worked, anyway...

"Critics argue that the governmental reforms did not appreciably improve the political order because the new government was also characterized by extreme corruption bordering on kleptocracy."- from Wikipedia

Why are all the Western media and governments wringing their collective hands over this "human rights issue"? Because- it's a knee-jerk reaction to any perceived loss of "human rights" by people who aren't our enemies. I didn't see CNN, CBC, or Tony Blair getting their panties wet when the Homeland security bill was passed- or when the US military turned their little tip of Cuba into a concentration camp that even offends the sensibilities of people I have suspected of being slightly fascist...

But if someone else is giving special powers to the military to shut down radio stations, place the leaders of the political parties under house arrest and starts diverting commercial air-traffic- well then, maybe they haven't really got this democracy thing figured out...

_________________________________________________________

Have a look at this man on the right:

و قد أدان كل من بوشبا كمال دهال (pushpa kamal dahal)

His name is Pushpa Kamal Dahal. His group of Maoist rebels have been involved in an "insurgency" (to use the current term in vogue) that has lead to the deaths of over 10,000 people in the last 7 years. Why? Because they want a socialist state.

Great! Why not just win an election? What's that.... not Maoist enough for you? Need a cultural revolution, do you?

Fuck you- we've got LOTS of AK-47s to go around and those discounted Russian helicopter gunships I traded for some mineral rights just arrived (courtesy of the Georgians) and they should make quick work of your "mountain fighters" once we Agent Orange the lower valleys and drive you into the arms of the Indian border patrols- who, let me assure you, are prepared to mow you down, on site, and have rigged the entire border with enough flechette anti-personnel mines to make the Korean DMZ look like Main Street at Disney Land.

Soviet made MI24 Helicopter gunship- Boxing Day sale, now 30% off!

This is what running a country is about- take notes. When push comes to shove and all you lefties are crying over "peace" and "human rights" my troops will be out there protecting the good Nepalese people. They'll be defending them with guns, jet fighters, ample amounts of napalm, and assault helicopters. If that makes some white-assed academics and liberal bleeding hearts in the West upset, I say go get your own country and let me know how that works out for you.

I can even start you out with 10,000 Maoist rebels who will soon be out of work.

King Gyanendra

OK- here we go

Despite my general lack of exposure to current pop and rock, I think it is time for me to check out this band Metric- I seem to recall Bunny reviewing them and people I rely on musically have all given thumbs up.

Here we go...

Putting a kind face on a Frightening Concept

We are currently at Master Shake level here people (see side bar!)
You have to love the crew over at Geekandproud.net, they certainly make some entertaining stuff! I wish I could find the site yesterday who summed it up perfectly, I'll paraphrase:

"You either get the idea of a sketchy six-foot tall talking milkshake or you don't..."

The New High Art

"Sheep porn with Gimps, Security, and the Moral Majority Looking Aghast"
2005 Media- pixels on MS Paint

Taken with ATI Radeon AIW 9600 Pro on ViewSonic G220f monitor.

And I think we mean "High" in this case. If you are in Montreal next weekend you HAVE to go to the Underground Legacy party and mix it up with us house-heads- click the photo for details.

Haloscan commenting and trackback

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog. Please test her out and experiment with the trackback feature, too!

Would love to know who's talking about me. In the end; isn't this a form a narcissism?



Oh, and Anti- thanks for the link to the Crunktionary yesterday! And to here last month! Your readers seem to like it around here- can't thank you enough!

(ps- Haloscan advises for me not to post, etc. for 24 hours in order for blogger to "save" the code properly...here goes...)

Google search: Crunkfest

The Crunktionary- redefining life one word at a time
We be getting massive bling hits for the word "crunkfest" lately. And we Number 1, with a bullet.

Get on the links, dawgs- we been crunky over here.

Mtlanglo,
Doctor of Crunkology.

Gimme some Microsoft crack

The hazards of late night instant messaging. The Sheep will rise again!

Daily Briefing: There Will Be Violence Edition

Wonkette - Daily Briefing: There Will Be Violence Edition
I gotta hand it to this site- Wonkette sure knows how to write a headline. I read this EVERYDAY, almost all day- it is exhausting and exhaustive...

Anyway! The week in review!!- randomly, since I was nursing the dreaded Montreal Death Flu coupled with a bout of "I can not leave my apartment because the weather will smite me."


It is Sunday morning as I write this- I have had no additives(and only 2 beers!) since last Saturday afternoon and yet I am wide awake with only 4 hours sleep since waking up Friday... I am listening to Benny Benassi after having relieved RE-SFACTION from HEAVY rotation four months ago because I was going to get evicted for playing it so much. I'm totally falling for it again and I am JUMPING BACK AND FORTH in my room with the head phones on...
Who's spinning at Stereo right now??? Why aren't I there??

I was biologically pre-destined to go dancing, it seems. Or for late night/early morning blogging; whichever is kinkier...

But I should sleep- I have a breakfast meeting with my promoting partner as we are putting the finishing touches on a Tsunami Relief benefit at Juice Night club on St. Laurent. It's going down on Jan 27th--DJ's are still a secret- but I'll post the "fly-ah" as soon as I get it :-)

And then I am going skating- which I have not done since I was a whelp. Back in the Trudeau years---yes, that's a looooong time ago. Why am I going? Because a cute girl asked me to! And it seemed like the perfect follow up date- a dash of embarrassment, a bad skater, cold weather followed by mulled wine- almost Rockwellian...


-except I think I'll be the one with the bruised ass!

Too much TV- during my convalescence I seem to have taken 200+ screen captures of various TV shows I was surfing. I have no idea what now to do with this vast array of bizarre images except embarrass myself and my contacts at flickr by uploading them in lieu of me actually developing any of the film I've shot in the past 3 years... If any of my readers wanted to donate a Pro upgrade to my cause there are instructions on the site :)


Too much CNN- is Lou Dobbs the densest person in the world? Does he not get ANYTHING? There were two US Supreme Court rulings this week, one about judges following federal Guidelines for sentencing, the other didn't get much media play as it came out the same day.

They ruled that the US can not keep immigrants in prison ad infinitum after their sentences have been served if (for various reasons) they can not deport them to their country of origin.

Standard US policy now is that non-landed immigrants who have been convicted of a felony serve their sentence and are summarily deported. This doesn't work so well with countries like Cuba, so they have just been keeping them in prison, long after their sentence has been served!

And Lou Dobbs- he is flummoxed-"Now what are we going to do?"(unspoken--on lips "...with these people")- Hey, Lou... How about giving these people a kick at the freedom can? I know they screwed it up LAST TIME you offered them life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness- but if your prisons can't turn a decent Cuban refugee into someone you can fucking golf with, why are you so hot to send these broken shells of humanity back to their poverty stricken homelands? Didn't they serve their sentence, Lou, thus repaying their "debt to society"- ie: your society?

Jeesh, Lou, stop taking your wife's medication and start having an opinion once in a while! You're on FREAKING CNN, Lou!! You have the ball and the only person left downfield is the place kicker- give him a straight arm and get the 6 points. Form a complete moral idea that isn't based on who's an American and who isn't- that shit is old and once this war hangover wears off people are gonna start calling all of you on it again, and it ain't gonna be pretty.

This weekend, please

Check out The Pinocchio Theory off of my link list- there is a great, informative (and, informed) review of After the New Economy by Doug Henwood.


If you're even slightly interested in economics, that is :)

My Blog looks like Ass in MS IE

I apologize to all you Microserfs out there- I am on it...

mtlanglo

Aftermath

It's a mere four weeks until George W. Bush is inaugurated for his second term as President of the United States of America and I am still trying to piece together an intelligent, cohesive vision of what has been happening south of the border. Here's what I've got so far.

The Left (pardon the phrase;as unhelpful as it is, it is of their own making) is taking this opportunity to demonize those voters who pulled the Republican handle in the voting booth. First and foremost of these is the site Sorry Everybody which compiles photos of Americans who voted for Kerry apologizing for their Republican neighbours. Some of the photos are poetic, some are touching- but the sentiment isn't very constructive. And the medium isn't very conducive to addressing any of the deeper issues:

• since many people who actually think about these kinds of things know that foreign troops will be in Iraq for close to ten years. And that the resulting traumatized state left behind will be no long term friend of the West...
  
• that the world view on US foreign policy is not going to be altered much until the Bush Doctrine is abandoned and vilified as the illegal Cowboy Diplomacy it is.
  
• that there is a strong chance that America's over-all level of hubris and spite will isolate them even more in the coming decades from their traditional allies.
  
• that their electoral system is allowing a faction of the Republican party to create a thinly veiled theocracy that threatens to plunge their nation into some kind of deformed consumerist, anti-intellectual, militarized ghetto.

The war in Afghanistan was the most shocking event of my life time. It set a Christian super-power upon an actual Muslim Theocracy. The long term implications of this in the rest of the Muslim world is incalculable; but the lack of acknowledgement or even awareness of this amongst the American population is a stunning example of how far removed the U.S. population is from having the tools to engage in useful discourse about foreign policy, government, morality... Bushes re-election is one symptom of that- Kerry's utter failure to bring light to this and other foreign policy issues is another.

Shouting out "It's the Crusades, stupid!" would be stretching the point a bit too far, but not by much. President George W. Bush said it first:

"This is a new kind of, a new kind of evil. And the American people are beginning to understand. This crusade, this war on terrorism, is going to take a while. And American people must be patient."
Washington, D.C., Sept. 16, 2001

Without any ability to understand why they are under siege, without any hope of entering a dialogue with their enemy, there will be no peace for America. This legacy can not be laid at the feet of this administration, nor any party's.

I fear, more than anything, I fear that it is the end result of that thing we call American culture. The American Dream. The rampant pursuit of wealth in the face of environmental degradation. Holywood's perpetual habit of selling narcissism and jingoism as entertainment. The use of American capitol to manipulate foreign markets and economies. The Myth of the American Century, the American millennia. All has lead to a society full of gaily coloured peacocks, set loose in a wonderland of 24/7 convenience and technological marvel, protected by a vastly expensive military that refuses to show it's own dead arriving home.

This is what I fear America is becoming and, I fear, by extension and proximity, what we may become as well.

Scratch one off of the wishlist

Amazon.ca: DVD: Akira (Signature Series)


I hope my neighbours aren't going to mind feeling the full effects of my Dolby 5.1 surround sound system tonight, biatches!!! THIS should make me feel MUCH BETTER...

See my wishlist here.

Miho Hatori

Miho Hatori - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

You may have noticed a lack of original content lately... too bad- it is a web/ log and I think I have the flu- MY GOD my head hurts!- so- here is another random sampling of what I am webbing- hope it continues to entertain and enlighten...

Dim Sum Plates

Lindsay Lohan Photos

An amazingly candid look at her Thanksgiving photos. Gosh- she's almost normal looking except for that orange tan...

OMG Get over yourself now, Please

Jesus- Dido has a 10 minute plus song on her Life for Rent CD.



Which is approximately 8 minutes longer than she has been sentient...

Big news... Six Apart and LiveJournal!

I have to hand it to the People at LiveJournal, they have a really good PR person on staff. This sounds so casual and intimately friendly- it made me involuntarily smile !
Why is Six Apart buying LiveJournal?
Lots of reasons:

• Our companies are more alike than different.
• We both use Perl.
• Together we form super robot that's stronger than the sum of its parts.
• Super robots can fight super companies.
• They respect us, we respect them.
• We have a number of features they don't.
• We have experience with making "inward-facing" community sites, whereas their sites/products tend to be "outward-facing". They want some of that inward-facing action.
• Because we're awesome.

I suppose they spent much time on this, and I hope they do well as super robot.

Teacher Arrested for Alleged Lewd Acts

from Gorilla Mask.net

"Another teacher arrested for having sex with her students. Does anyone else want to line up all these 13-year-old boys and give them high fives?"

Yep.