House Party NYE- random noise.

From the train...NYE Countdown

Turbo is a Friendster God

This is what Turbo would look like if he was a djini.. (or drunk with a towel wrapped around his head)

Jennie wrote:
Hi, I am looking around the friendster(mtlanglo-non-anglophone alert)....do you interesting to chat?

I am waiting for ur reply!
Happy New Year
Jennie

Turbo wrote:

Hi Jennie,
Congratulations, you're the first person to contact me through Friendster.
I'm not even really sure what this thing is.. just my friend told me to join it.
Does this mean we're friends now?
Are we going to hang out and go see movies together?



..or do we first have to write each other back and forth some vague nondescript letters in attempts to size each other up?
Perhaps I am doing this all wrong. Please explain how this Friendster thing works.

Thank You & Happy New Year
Turbo

Jennie wrote:
Hi Turbo,
In my opinion, Friendster actually is a website to meet people and shows how many friends you have in your network. You can send a message to my friends from my network. (mtlanglo-ie.: you can hit on my friends, too)
I would like to know you more....so I think it is better to send message to each other back
and forth in order to understand each other...do you think so? Also, we may chat in MSN too....(mtlanglo-"because I have no life...")

Yes, We can go see movie sometimes. What will you do on new year eve?
(mtlanglo-non-anglophone alert)
..let's me tell you something about you...I like to go shopping and clubing...Once I have time I
would like to hang out with my friends. I study at Concordia university...and I will graduate in
April 2005. How about you? (mtlanglo-18 year old alert)

I am better to stop here. Waiting for ur reply.
Jennie

Turbo wrote:
Hi Jennie, So basically Friendster is a way to make friends?

I guess that's pretty straightforward. So at what point do we actually become friends?
Perhaps after a certain amount of messages back and forth the Friendster Alarm goes off and announces that we are now friends? ..or is it perhaps something more contextual, dependent on how compatible we discover each other to be?

So, where do you like to go clubbing?...I like afterhours. In fact on New Years I will be going to Stereo on Friday night, and probably leave there sometime on Sunday.
Does that sound somewhat insane to you? (it should)

Your Friendster
Turbo

Hi Turbo,
We do have some common habbits...I like afterhours too. I usually go to Redlite....(mtlanglo-Laval alert)On new year eve I will be going to Bell center..(mtlanglo-glow stick alert)

I am sure I will have fun at that night. I hope you do. You see this is one of the reason we should be friends.(mtlanglo-ugly chick alert)



So where do you live?(mtlanglo-stalker alert) I don't understand why you
leave on Sunday(mtlanglo-OMG non-crunkhead alert). Anyway, if you still want to chat
with me then reply me. By the way, you seem a cool man!!!

Jennie
(mtlanglo's recommendation: I am half curious to read her profile)

Update From the Crunktionary

Maggie is our highly skilled intern here at The Crunktionary. We rely on her to find neat photos on the internet to put in The Crunktionary while we sit around drinking Vodka Guru's and shoving MDMA caps up our arses.

Maggie at her desk.

She's only been doing this for a week (ever since we bought her "freedom" from that Thai trucking company) but she wanted to say a few things:

First off- has every woman in the world appeared naked on the internet yet? Stop it!

Second- to all you college kids who finally have your own dorm room and digital cameras; stop posting photos of you smoking crack with your buddies to your university webserver! It just makes my job harder.

I see a great thumbnail of you shooting up in the quad, then when I click to see the full photo-BAM- your entire directory no longer exists on the server at yourstatecollege.edu. This means you either:

• A) graduated and they removed you- however unlikely that is, or
• B) someone reported you to the university and they kicked your stupid-addict ass out of there!

So, please- if you have a photo you'd like to submit to The Crunktionary send an email to us at thecrunktionary[at]gmail.com.

It'll give me time to do soooo many other things.

XO Maggie

Crunkfest

Continuing my long quest to reclaim the word "crunk" for speed freaks all over the word- I like to check on the progress of the war. It seems that there was some hip hop event down in Memphis called Crunkfest 2004 that got a tad nasty when it ended too soon (from Indie Musician):

"When you do a rap show there are always problems, but nobody got shot," said Rickey Cole of S&S Entertainment. "The crowds at these shows have got to learn to control themselves. Beefed up security is a must."

No one was seriously injured in the parking lot fight or three fights that broke out during the show." (emphasis mine)

Now, the closest thing I've seen at a house/electronica event is a bit of booing and hissing when DJ Heather stopped one of her sets at Stereo at 9:30 in the morning. I have some theories about the lack of violence:

• the lack of alcohol makes things a bit more mellow
• it's just not part of the culture around that music

Rickey Cole is this close to saying "Yeah- we were expecting at least a few of the kids to get shot...how can you have a hip-hop show without someone getting capped?"-

"I like to kick them when they're down!"

I am discovering I am not a very nice person in the morning unless I am caffeinated. There is no point denying it any longer.

Some fan art from Russia-note the poor spelling of Nixon's name

I was filling the bowl of water for my parent's geriatric cat, Barney. He kept looking at his soft food dish, then at me, then the dish. This provokes little sympathy from me; I snarl at the deaf cat..."FUCK OFF!! Eat your dry food, you ingrate."

Last night whilst adding crap to my blog to either:

1. drive marketing or
2. make it look better

I "crashed" the lower half of my template. There will be minimal posting until this is fixed, so please, scroll down and see the archives section. The summer was a great time, when I had a job, a girlfriend and a car. The world was a warmer, safer place...

Advice for Lefty- loosing democracy

From a comment to Odd Todd on his post about "A Forum on Voting Discrepancies in Ohio"- or, in plain speak- "Having Someone Slicker Than You Steal the Election- and now- The Lawsuits."

Poor Todd; I stumbled upon his site the day after he started it. It was also the day after I went on my Solaris sabbatical- so I've been an avid reader (I have a lot of time on my hands, buddy!).

Todd!

Jesus!! How many elections are Americans going to allow be stolen from them before you have another civil war?

Does anyone really think the institutions of your "democracy" have enough safeguards built into them to bring the flaws in the adversarial political system to light?



How many voters being disenfranchised is acceptable? 1, 100? 1000; maybe? 100,000 as long as it wouldn't have affected the outcome?

I know this advice may seem hollow coming from a Canadian as we had a peaceable birth and no civil war, but the events surrounding the 1995 Referendum in Quebec may illustrate how fragile our Western Democracies become when the supporting walls of fair and free elections are chipped at.

A bit of history:
When it comes to Quebec there are two sides, the sovereignists who want Quebec to be their own nation (which would tear Canada in twain, the Atlantic provinces are to the East of Quebec), and the Federalists, who believe that the current structure between the Federal Government and the provinces is crucial to the Canadian identity- despite some flaws in the way funding, power, and responsibilities are divided (sound similar to arguments made by States?)

In 1995 there were a large number of ballots from predominately English or Ethnic ridings that were deemed "spoiled." On top of that, it was very hard for Anglophones (English speakers) or the Allophones (immigrants or other Quebec citizens who spoke another language as their mother tongue) to REGISTER TO VOTE.

Well- people were nervous and very emotional. The Canadian Army (such that it is) is a mix of Anglophones and Francophones- thus most officers are required to be bilingual. Who knew what would happen if the army was required to keep order in Quebec after the referendum, one way or another. Where would the troops' loyalties lie? The officers?


Rally for Canada 1995, Domion Square, Montreal-
Canadians from Outside of Quebec pour into town to plead with Quebecers not to leave Confederation.

Students studying in Quebec from New Brunswick received letters
from the NB Premiers' office urging them to attend- I assumed
they got my address/name from the Student Loans office.

In the end the vote came out to be 50.1% against separation, 49.9% for. The Premier of Quebec publicly blamed the loss of the sovereignists on "Money and the Ethnic vote"- not pretty!

If the result was the opposite and all of those people who had been disenfranchised were suddenly going to be living in a new country called Quebec there would have been massive protests, strikes, protestations to the UN- and- possibly- it may even have gotten VERY violent- a la the FLQ crisis in the seventies but reversed.

As it was, several people were thrown in jail for vote tampering- the entire sovereignist movement was discredited as being cynical and malevolent. No serious discussion of it has occurred since, but parties supporting the idea still form the opposition in the Provincial Legislature, and even have a party in the federal elections.

Wrap up- IMHO- the "left" should pick it's battles more closely in the states- you guys are all over the place! It's like your sidebar- DOZENS of things to act out on- but really- what is the source?

What is the ONE issue/problem/institution you could change that would improve America the most? I'd say campaign finance reform but the Democrats are JUST AS BAD there- and o help...

Why not hunt down (did I say hunt- I meant TRACK) down every last person- from the bottom to the top- who is responsible for ANYONE'S vote not being counted. AND THROW THEM IN JAIL. Get rid of every county, state and federal law that is preventing people from registering or voting.

Sorry if I'm going on a bit at length here- but I voted in that 1995 referendum in Quebec- and XX% of the ballots from my polling station were "spoiled". That means anyone of the 6,000 people that voted at that poll could NOT have had their vote count. That disenfranchises EVERYBODY in that district- and it is not a good feeling at all when your country is at stake.

Blizzard hits Maritimes

BANG- welcome to Winter! It was all nice and brown/green here and now the SKY HAS OPENED and we can't open the back door of the house- the cars are buried by snow drifts and I am out of coffee.

It might get like The Shining in here soon...

REAL Ultimate Power!!!!

It may be the lack of stimulants or some such-(extreme East Coast style boredom?), but for some reason I thought this site was AMAZING!


(OK, maybe that was over stating it a bit, but the sense of humour is right there!)

Vu d'ici : xmas is about love!

As the mtlanglo I sometimes read French blog posts through AltaVista's babblefish- with some surreal results
"What to say moreover on the areas without making easy bitchage... Heille, my account of life in area will beat the notebook of voyage d'alex C on."

I really, really need to get a French girlfriend.

You have mail!

From: "MA"
Subject: thecrunktionary.blogpost.com
To: emily.lastname@someuniversity.edu

Emily- we here at the Crunktionary like to illustrate
our entries with a few images now and again and Google
suggested the attached photo of your friends Jason and
Jenny for the term "really stoned".

We agree! We'd like to use this photo to illustrate
the following word entry:

"Crunktard - someone who takes their drug consumption
too far. i.e. They consume so many chemicals that their brain becomes
mush and they are unable to function like normal, rational human beings and
often have a sketch factor above the permissible limit and their capacity
is well below average."

This is not the final edit, but we would prefer to
have an appropriate graphic before continuing. You
could have full credit for the photo displayed on the
site, or we could post it anonymously.

Thank you in advance for your speedy reply and good
luck with your studies,

Mtlanglo- Doctor of Crunkology
thecrunktionary.blogspot.com

=====
-Before drifting off to sleep, I realized that Sharon Stone makes a
pretty believable coke slut.
22/07/2004

Fave Holiday Post thus far- (click me)

The only thing that I didn't get that I can usually count on was socks. But I now have 40 years' worth of dental floss from stocking stuffers over the years...

Christmas morning

Ok- gifts have been opened, a light breakfast of bagel and yogurt has been consumed (New York style bagel vs. Montreal- nice change!) and I caught the end (Thank GOD!) of White Christmas.

"Done, done, done and DONE!"

I am going to nap now and when I wake up I am going to make a pot of coffee that will RIP MY TITS OFF. Lack of speed/ephedrine/Amphetamines/crystal meth and no espresso anywhere in the city is MAKING ME DISTURBED*. I might have to start throwing myself bodily into traffic for the adrenaline rush or something. Nope- 2 problems with that:

1. there is no traffic
2. even if there was they would actually stop if it remotely looked like I wanted to cross the street. Damn polite drivers.
   

I know- I'll fill the coffee filter normally, but in the pot I'll add this small bottle of INSTANT COFFEE my folks have, along with some cocoa...THAT SHOULD DO IT. (or- could put the pot on now and let the water boil off the concoction and then take the resulting powder and RAIL IT? What would my pharmacist say?)

BBC coke head

It might keep me pleasant and alert until dinner is over at 7-8 PM tonight and I can hit that bottle of Xmas Jager I got (my little brother's girlfriend ROCKS!)

Hmmm- doing shots with the family- a new Christmas tradition? Or a bad idea?

*dear readers- you do realize that I am not a complete crank head- I just play one on the internet...

Who invented the saying "Are we having fun yet?"

Those of you not up on this might want to consider putting one of the collected Zippy tradepaperbacks on your gift list next year.


(Gift lists? Is this how politically correct I've become? Jeesh!!)

Work with me here people!

As this graph so neatly shows, visitor and page loads are both down dramatically as Christmas approaches. Meanwhile; I am posting, like, 4 times a day! And good stuff, too! (I think, or it could all be drivel- who knows? Hardly anyone is commenting *pout*)

Don't make me pander to the Lindsay Lohan porn people, who keep coming to my site for 3.5 seconds. But they come in large numbers.

If you don't keep reading over the holidays I may be forced to bail out of my advertising negotiations with the bikers; vis-à-vis the exchange of pills for more of their "We're fighting for Democracy" adverts. The failure of said negotiations may result in me having one or more limbs violently wrenched from my torso.

You may also end up having 2+ hours of reading to do...

Ahhhh, screw it- here's a nice photo of LL's smoking-hot 18 year old cleavage:


Have a sticky Christmas, you pervs! Welcome to the Blog that will Pander for Pills.

The Cast- Sabs

Sabs is the Queen of Crunk, the Stereo High Priestess. These are her legs:



Here's the story: I'm at the Typhoon Lounge for happy hour one Friday and talking to one of my coworkers about Stereo. Suddenly, one of his friends whips around and says:

"You go to Stereo? How often?"
"Uh, yeah- once every two weeks, sometimes more..." I respond- trying to remember this guy's name...
"I've never seen you there...what night do you go?"
"Saturdays."
He says- "Ahhh- I go on Fridays, I'm heading there tonight if you want to meet some of my friends."

Needless to say- that was how Turbo started going to Stereo on Saturdays and Fridays. (It nearly killed him that first month we hung out. Then Sabs showed me how to party 4 nights a week, then 5- then the blur.)

That's also the night I met Sabs. She was the first person Brian introduced me to. She hung out with us and introduced me to 100+ people; Stereo has been my house away from home ever since. She is a promoter and VIP Hostess and general PR machine for Stereo and some local DJs to boot. At one point last summer she was promoting for 4 nights out of the week. And she can dance like an angel- all night and all day, in serious stilettos if she wants.

And she is one of the warmest, brightest people I have met in the scene. This is an excerpt from an email she sent before my trip:

Just wanted to wish you a safe trip. Have a good time, and don`t miss us too much. I
will be sure to party like crazy while you`re gone. After all, someone is
going to have to pick up the slack that your absence will create. Although
being the holidays and all, I am sure that Turbo will be out in full force.
Hope you had a good time @ Pat Boogie. I`m really sorry I had to miss that,
but I`m kinda glad I did. I`m still tired and yucky feeling today. Oh well...
Guess I`m getting old. Having a real job sucks in some ways I tell you!!!
Anyway, keep us updated on how your vacation is going.
Sabs

And to top it all off she lives with two real cool guys (who I'll get to later) in a brilliant 2 storey apartment that we affectionately call The Crunk Mansion. And her passion for and knowledge of house music is astounding.

PS- Sabs- Pat Boogie rocked but our Ferrari speed was a bit on the light-weight side and we were all home by 7 AM.

tonypierce.com busblog

The word has come down from above courtesy of tonypierce and can lay rest the perpetual arguement:

let me know if you have a better computer out there.
and take it easy with the 'yo yo you gotta get a Mac, g.'
cuz i dont really want a mac.
theyre for girls

and that's that, people.

The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)

After the recent airing of this film on the CBC I am aghast that I do not yet own a copy! Easily one of the best films made yet this century, there should be a Collectors edition of Bottle Rocket, Rushmore and The Royal Tenenbaums. Maybe that's what I'm waiting for...


One thing struck me, though. In Eli Cash's apartment he has these bizarre paintings of fur-mask wearing men on small motorcycles. I could have sworn they were the work of Canadian ex-pat painter Attila Richard Lukacs.


But they were actually the work of Miguel Calderón, a Mexican artist. Kind of embarrassing, since I had met and interviewed Lukacs in the mid-nineties when he did a show at the Musée d'art contemporain de Montréal.

Umberto Eco on Mac Vs. PC

From www.antoinegirard.com - very nice analogy!

Office Parties- IT sales wise

Despite being on what is now being referred to as "a Solaris sabbatical" I was duly invited to my ex-company's Xmas party, by three different people.

Being of sound mind and body I turned down all invites, but would like to share some pointers for my friends who still make 80 dials a day and three hours "talk time" about what is and is not expected of them at the Christmas party.

1. You will get two drink tickets. Use one upon arrival to get away from whoever you were almost seated beside. Wait in the bar line until someone interesting has an opening at/ near their table.
2. Who to sit with- in descending order of importance: the hottest woman at work, the hottest woman who would possibly sleep with you, the wait staff, the person who could most possibly advance your career, non-drinkers who will give you their drink tickets, your team members (if your manager is not amongst them), your spouse (if any), leave now if you have gotten this far down the list.
3. Tip well while using your drink tickets- this will certainly lead into doing shots with the bartender later as he/she was planning on charging a few extra bottles to the company, anyway, regardless of the drink ticket system.
4. The event will be non-smoking- plan which courses you will eat and which you will spend chain smoking and getting pissed in the lobby/adjoining smoker friendly event.
5. As an IT sales person you are expected to do three things: golf, drink and coke. This is your chance to do a rail with a VP of Sales- loiter around the washrooms sniffing and look extremely focused.
6. Despite being expected to drink you are not to get overly drunk. The acceptable level of inebriation is tied directly to your monthly sales figures. $40,000 GP+ you should barely be standing. $10 K- slight slurring is too much.- $5K= do you still work here?
7. Dancing- really, most of you men shouldn't. Either you are too good from hanging out in dance clubs all weekend or you've been a complete geek all your life. Being too good is death at the office party. Those less rhythmic will spread rumours about your sexual orientation. Women- go for it- especially if you are hot. You can even do that Laika thing where you dance with other hot women and give each other smoldering glances that drive men crazy.
   
8. Swag, Freebies, prizes- how long to stay for the drawing? Do you really need another wireless keyboard? Really, what are the chances that you will win the 72" flat screen TV? Where would you fit it in your parent's basement? If your ride back from Anjou is leaving, leave.
   

And, most importantly, do not talk about anything except work. Everyone you work with is your enemy. They want your accounts, they want your cubicle, they may even covet your monitor. Do not empower them with any information about your personal life. You should appear to be entirely dependent on your company for your personality- capable, driven and personable. You have no family, no history and interest outside of IT and sales.

Smile- you might get a bonus this year. And happy New Year.

Understanding Terror Networks

E-Notes: Understanding Terror Networks - FPRI

This is a comprehensive look at the history and generally agreed upon motives of Al Qaeda from a former CIA case officer from Afghanistan, Marc Sageman of the Foreign Policy Research Institute.

Waking Up in Bliss V3.1

Eat me- Blogger free templates! And all of you using resolutions smaller than 900 pixels wide, people tell me there's a scrolly thing on the bottom of your window.

Yes- I have physically gone into the code for the template and performed radical surgery. I altered the banner to contain my "slogan" and made the content body big enough to support the default flickr photo size of 500 x 317.

And to think people pay money for HTML/ XML/ CSS courses! All you really need is 4+ hours, a pot of coffee, half a pack of smokes and a burning desire to post really good naked photos of your friends!



Close one- maybe next time!

Casting call- waivers

*Public Service Announcement*
OK, my friends, now is the chance for you to grasp your fifteen minutes of fame (what little there is to be had from being on my blog).

You all know I have photos of you...or access to them :)


So- real names? Photos that protect your identity somewhat? Send text and links.

I am especially interested in people who appear frequently: Sabs, Yann, the Lesbian Crew, Anne, Kat, Sumi (BTW do you know someone in Manchester who would be reading the blog?), Jodi, Jenn...other peeps who I haven't written about (yet) as I don't know how you'd feel about being involved in this endeavor (DL, Hugo, Huggs, Flippy, Steph...ect).

And if anyone knows who this chick is on the left:


we had a very nice chat with her at Blizzarts but failed to close the deal. Please have her send email... or... she can quietly stalk me, whichever is kinkier.

*We now return you to the blog*

Are you in town, too?

Are you interesting? Have you escaped being batted about by the Saint John ugly stick? Are you not yet fat/married/a parent/boring?

Will you smoke in the bar even though there are laws against that kind of thing here?

You are not your own relative?

You think the Aquarius pub should be turned into a historic footnote and no one under the age of 40 should have the bad taste to go there.

Do you remember when Market Square had all the best clubs in it? Did you get in fights in the parking garage underneath?

Did you drive back to Quispamsis in some woman's car and have nasty sex with her in the front seat while parked at the Yacht club in late November? No? Did you tell her brother at the drydock where you both worked? No? Good.

Did you fall in love with a girl while holding her hand in the observation deck atop City Hall? Did you carve your names into the boardwalk? Did you spend hours at the library listening to their amazing David Bowie collection while reading Camus' journals?

Did you summer in St. Andrew's and have a crush on the daughter of the Raku potter? Did you dream of living in one of those weather beaten colonial homes?

Bury your first friend in high school- and felt that it couldn't get any worse. Wear a trench coat and your dad's tie and held your best friend in your arms as she wept like you've never seen anyone before or since.

Know then and there that you wanted to be buried on this same wet and foggy hill- beside the wind gnarled tree?

Are you home?

Snow, and then; Fog

Yesterday Saint John was a brownish place- very little snow was on the ground and it was a pretty bleak day. Saint John is on the coast of the bay of Fundy, so it isn't right on the Atlantic ocean, we're at the mouth of the bay, so it's close, but it does provide the city with some interesting weather.


The sky is always huge- big clouds racing overhead in the winter crashing into the warmer air over the bay. When it isn't foggy. Right now the fog is making it impossible to see across the valley between West Saint John and Lancaster.

I love it!


So last night, 12 hours after I arrived it begins to snow. Large white flakes that will stay (hopefully) until Christmas.

My folks are thrilled to see me; I cooked lin·gui·ne for them last night with Alfredo sauce and managed to find a bakery that made a decent baguette. Coffee is always a problem- I should have brought my stove top espresso maker.

And most stores sell Dunhill cigarettes now- which I am glad of.