Malcolm (Maureen's Hubby)
Thought I'd better let the more responsible members of this board know that my 7yr marriage to the love of my life Maureen is at an end. For the most part it was wonderful and I'll never forget the twinkle in her eye the day we were married and set off to Blackpool Tower (mtlanglo: Blackpool Tower?? Sounds like a laugh a minute...)for our honeymoon. For 6 wonderful years she was there waiting with my steak and chips or stew and dumplings when I got home from work - I'll especially miss the lumps in the mash potato on a Sunday(you sound like a git- I'd trade you for half a line).
Then she had the misfortune to get mixed up with a crowd for whom morals and family standards are but a rumour. My loving, kitchen-bound wife was turned overnight into what some of would call a 'party animal', going out to those awful loud nightclubs and not coming home for days on end.
The last of these occasions was on New Year when she was supposed to be joining the more than ample festivities at cousin Vera's house but instead went to somewhere called the Ministry Of Noise to see some girl called Ericka. Maureen didn't get home until 4 days later and was muttering things about wobble jizzle, mayonaise, chalk drawings, dressage and being vaporised, whatever all that means(LOL!!! She sounds fun!!). Needless to say that was the final straw and divorce proceedings have begun.
Let this be a warning to any of you who may be tempted by this so called 'BFC' and may I also warn to be careful should you ever see Maureen when you're out and about. She's developed a disturbing tendency to hump mens's legs, especially if they're a 'dj' - this was extremely embarrassing at our John's wedding disco(WTF is a wedding disco?) a few weeks ago and it took 3 strong blokes to get her off.
Yours
(A Heartbroken)
Malcolm
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35 yr old male, 5ft 9, brown hair, green eyes, 160lbs, hairline receding but not quite past it yet, interested in gardening, darts, dominoes and the odd game of bowls - seeks woman of similar age and interests. Must be good at cooking, washing, ironing, darning socks and like nothing more than a night at the workingman's club (none of that house music malarky). (it is at this point that I start thinking this is a put-on- hmmm-could be a creative writing excercise...)
RSenalBaby
i seriously just fell off the chair at work
the kids had to come and pick their teacher up off the floor i am laughing so hard
you deserve an emmy award malcolm the mysterious hubby!
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HI, I'm Simon, and I like to do drawrings! I also like to do f*ckered things!
mericet
don't feel sorry for him groovin .... he's well rid of her. i'm perhaps the one in need of sympathy ... pp's on the warpath so it sounds like things are about to get uuggglly
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"Horseplay always ends in tears" - English proverb
Maureen
Well yes...things ARE about to get ugly Malcolm...Who do you think you are, Roger, dropping lines like that? You have one set on you and I dont mean cufflinks! and boy were you right it sure is about to get ugly in here....
Don't you try to paint a picture like it was all smiles and dumplings. You were married to your tax calculator and stock reports and left me pining for more for years now. Just because I found new friends who love adventure and travel and wonderful music doesnt mean I'm a slapper or a git! I was kitchen bound only because there was no warmth in the bedroom where it belongs. At least I had an oven and a space heater to warm me at nite! You leave my mayonaise, wobble jizzle and land of chalk drawrings alone you hear...you have NO right!
You're bitter because I have found true happiness and vaporisation (once I find out what this is I want to try it...) that has made me a better woman Malcolm! This all could have been avoided if home truly was where the heart was Malcolm, and your a heartless breed for posting such lies here on these nice peoples forum. Leave me and my house music friends to be, we're in our own little world and we are happy here!
p.s. Stop calling me and playing "Back Together"on the receiver, I do enjoy house music these days, but not from your stereo you cheeky monkey! It won't work, I'm but a mere memory for you!
Disgruntled,
Maureen
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In the wise words of the Pianoheadz~ "It's over for you, It's over for you... Honey, I loved you, but cant you see..It's over for you!"
groovin
"At least I had an oven and a space heater to warm me at nite "
No wonder She went to see ericka on new years!!
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House is universal lanquage!!!!
| Maureen wrote: |
Well yes...things ARE about to get ugly Malcolm...Who do you think you are, Roger, dropping lines like that? You have one set on you and I dont mean cufflinks  and boy were you right it sure is about to get ugly in here....
|
mericet
err ... sorry to burst your bubble my leg humping friend but it was me who said it was about to get ugly in here, not your poor husband. and even then it was my tongue in cheek spat with emma to which i was referring .... not some old slapper who's trying to relive her mispent youth
(mericet making friends- love these young kids with no manners...)
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"Horseplay always ends in tears" - English proverb
StereoGrrl (ie: Sabs)
Are we watching an episode of "As the Disco Ball Turns"?
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Will u always remember, will it last forever, was it what u imagined, or did it feel like magic
Malcolm (Maureen's Hubby)
My dear Maureen please don't drag this out and make yourself look any more foolish than you have already done. The good people of this forum obviously knew what you were truly like long before I'd realised. The only phone calls I've made of late have been to my solicitor (that's a lawyer for the benefit of our American friends) (Thanks, but we all saw A Fish Called Wanda and have that down, asshole!) and I have certainly not been playing any music to you. Maybe you've spent too long in that 'la la land' that you were muttering about when you finally returned home from your latest night of debauchery with your immoral 'friends' and are struggling to find your way back to reality?
It no longer matters however because I've been searching the personal ads and feel I've found someone with whom I can be truly happy. Her name is Sabrina and she looks very pretty in her ad. Rather like that 'DJ Heather'(DJ Heather is a tad less pale than Sabs---what have you been snorting?) you talked about so much but far more elegant. I believe she browses this forum under the guise of StereoGrrl and while I accept the geography may be a small problem I feel sure the bond between us would be so strong that moving continents would be of little concern. While she displays a worrying interest in this 'house music' I also see a bit of the old Charlie Dimmock in her and feel she'd be right at home on our little allotment. Sabrina - if you're reading this and feel the same as I then please feel free to get in touch. I left my number on your personal
ad earlier.
Yours
Mal
StereoGrrl
I don't really think that was me - This post is getting stranger and stranger!
Malcolm (Maureen's Hubby)
| StereoGrrl wrote: |
| I don't really think that was me - This post is getting stranger and stranger! |
It was definitely you because there can't be two people so alike. I know Manchester is a long way from Montreal but it could work if we just gave it a chance. Don't worry about Maureen because she won't be around. What do you say Sabrina?
StereoGrrl
This is bizarre. (To say the least- you need better on-line personas)
Bolando
Why is it when Maureen gets on here, all hell breaks loose
3 comments:
Vaporisation: snorting pills.
And isn't there an upper age limit at Ministry?
I am under the suspicion that Mr. Sanchez himself wrote the part of "Malcolm" and that Maureen is someone else on the board...
There is more about this on www.releaseyourself.com/forum
It gets curiouser and curiouser!
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